I'm Melting

It's too damn hot. There, I said what everyone around here is thinking. In a city where AC is about as common as a unicorn, the heat seeps into every room and hangs out like an uninvited house guest.

I've tried everything to escape this oppressive heat. Cold showers. Ice cubes down my shirt. I've even considered sticking my head in the freezer, just to get a small bit of relief. But sadly all these remedies are only temporary fixes to this frying pan called Seattle.

What I don't understand is how everyone in this lovely state assured me, multiple times, that Washington summers are the best time of year. Are you all NUTS?! I left California to get away from scorching sun rays. And did I mention the humidity you guys have going right now?

I would be lucky to look like that chicken. My hair, which already has a mind of its own, has staged a full scale revolt which no product seems to be able to contain. Not to mention I have dark hair, which of course retains heat like some kind of radioactive sponge. Small reptiles could use my head as a heat rock.

How do you people do it? What secret aren't you sharing with me that allows you all to go about your day like nothing is wrong???